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Thursday, 1 April 2021

I have sex with men - but I'm not gay

 





“I'm not gay, but the guy sucking my dick is."

 

Should straight men having sex with other men be labelled gay or bi? And alternatively, if a gay guy has sex with a woman would he then be regarded as straight?

 

This is a very controversial subject and brings out a lot of issues about how we see ourselves sexually and how we might be judged by others. By simply attaching a broad generic label, we are doing a great disservice to what can be seen as a complex issue. Sexuality is a broad spectrum and any curiosity or deviation from the mainstream should be factored into the answer.

 

I hate labels and prefer to just call myself or any other person - “sexual."

Sexuality is fluid, and when opportunities or desires change, or when curiosity rises to the fore, then a former label might not still be pertinent.

 

In its simplest terms, most straight men are looking for uncomplicated sex and cock relief. Full stop! It`s more about the penis than the man. Emotion, romance, or commitment are not part of the equation.

 

Let's seek answers as to why straight men might have sex with other men:

 

-       Their wives or female partners aren't providing any or very little sexual outlet for them

-       That it's just easier to find sex with men than it is with women

-       That's it's less emotionally involving than with a woman

-       It simply feels good. It's all about cock relief and men know what they like and how to get it – and give it

-       It feels different - a hairy body feels different to a smooth-skinned female

-       There's no chance of pregnancy

-       There's an element of masculine ego at work

-       They love to fuck anally and the female in his life is averse to this

-       He wants a role reversal where he becomes the treated one in the partnership rather than always being in the dominating hunter role

-       That it's purely a physical thing and nothing to do with individual self-proclaimed sexual identity. It's just sex!

-       They want some variety in their life. No-one wants the same meal every day

-       Men continue to want reinforcement that they are successful hunters and to bed a man shows that he's still capable of attracting a sexual mate, whatever age either of them might be

Photos courtesy of Tumblr

-       Men love their cocks being sucked whether by a male or a female – another aspect of the purely sexual nature of his hunting

-       It's about guys bonding together through experimentation, especially young guys during teenage and young adult periods of their life

-       Pleasure is pleasure, no matter who you share that with, whatever their adult age or the physical circumstances

-       Men are not always actually attracted to men – they're attracted to the idea of sex with men – and that's a vital difference

-       You're only interested in this subject if you're a man over the age of 30. Anyone younger has few issues with sexual fluidity and couldn't care less about gender or labels

-       Your circumstances dictate your companions (e.g. an all-male jail, oil rig, isolated camp). If your choice of sexual partners is limited to self-masturbation or other men in the same circumstances, I suspect you'll see it as viable, convenient sex and nothing more

 

In summary, I would ask how much of this labelling is mind over matter – we shouldn't get ourselves whipped up into a frenzy over putting ourselves into a particular labelled box. Rather, let us enjoy all the variety and pleasures that sex can bring us, and if we happen to have been regarded as straight up to this point in our lives and now we've had enjoyable sexual relief with a man, then so be it. If you want a label, how about - “sexual“.

 

Disclaimer: All advice and information given here on this blog is general in nature and non-specific to any individual, couple or group. You are encouraged to seek your own independent professional medical, psychological and counselling advice. No endorsement of unlawful actions is intended or implied  


Looking for a horny erotic read about gay sex life in Australia? 

Try my ebooks - each volume contains a hot self-contained story.

When it is time to have sex with men, you need answers! Don't f**k up the potentially hottest sex time in your life by not knowing the facts. I'm the ex-married gay man who writes this blog, so I'm sharing my experiences with you in this easy-to-read ebook so that your sex with guys can be brilliant and always available. It's the best couple of dollars you'll ever invest! https://www.amazon.com/Straight-Mans-Guide-Same-Hook-Ups-ebook/dp/B00EUBGNTC
THE VERSATILE HUSBAND: Live Your Passion This is a more comprehensive version of A STRAIGHT MAN’S GUIDE TO SAME SEX HOOK-UPS and includes examining why as sexually frustrated men we feel the way we do and what can be done to improve the situation. Particularly useful for any married man who needs more detail  before deciding whether or not to sexually play with men.
e-book and paperback at Amazon.com

For an unidentifiable plain cover eBook edition of The Versatile Husband, go tohttp://www.amazon.com/Versatile-Husband-Plain-Cover-ebook/dp/B009V5AXEI
"A straightforward, practical guide for men in heterosexual relationships who'd like to explore sex with other men. Frank, honest and understanding."Kirkus Reviews

 

Sunday, 24 January 2021

SEX DATES: How Long Should I Stay?

How long do your indoor sex sessions with other male partners take? Based on my own experiences and observations I'd like to propose the following as a loose guide as to what to expect. It's very subjective and is non-scientific in every way, but tell me that I'm not touching on the realities of today's sexual dating scene. Sometimes there is pure lust which implies a quick event, right through to old friends meeting up socially as well as sexually.

 

Spur-of-the-Moment Pickups

You've been walking in the park, struck up a conversation with a sexy stranger, and here you are in his nearby apartment making out. This is pure lust, an opportunity to both enthusiastically admit that you're both randy as hell, that you care nothing about each other except being in each other's arms, other than hot lips, throbbing cocks and, very available arses. It's all very fervent, quick, and exactly what both of you are looking for right at this moment. DURATION: 5 – 15 minutes as neither of you wants to talk, but simply blow and then go on with your life. Expect nothing more than hot physical satisfaction.  

 

 

 

New-to-the-Scene Married Guys

He's just about ready to shoot his load the minute he walks through the door. He's been waiting this moment for quite a while, especially if there's been no sex at home with the wife. His balls are loaded and he just can't wait for the nakedness and the touch to send him into whatever erotic delirium he has imagined this scenario to lead to. He wants to fuck and have everything done to him, but as soon as hands or lips touch him, he's lost to any lengthy encounter. It suddenly becomes so overwhelming a sensation that he just wants it over as quickly as possible so that he can feel the dizzying heights of pleasure his mind demands. “Fuck! I'm cumming. I can't hold back“ is a cry that will not only assure you of a hot load of jizz, it will also assure you as host, of a return visit to relieve his guilt about cumming so quickly and about wanting to take the next encounter more slowly and much further. He'll wipe up, get dressed and leave within the blink of an eye. DURATION: 5 – 10 minutes maximum.

 

Experienced Married Guys

They know what they want from a MM encounter. They know that quick anonymous sex can be fantastic, though generally isn't. Rather, they are looking for an encounter that will make memories for their masturbation activities and sometimes, create thoughts to silently invoke while having heterosexual sex at home. They are looking for masculine approval, a male friend who is like-minded, that special physical touch that only another man can offer, the crossing of that forbidden threshold of kissing, and fellatio and fucking. Of including maybe just a bit of general, non-specific conversation. He wants to leave the meetup with not just a physical relief of having cum, but have a feeling of worth, of being part of a wider masculine community and one that gives him the emotional sustenance to continue with the family life he goes back to live with. But well he knows that sex, touch, and companionship will always draw him back to nice enjoyable male company. DURATION: 60 minutes minimum.

 


Threesomes/Groups

This is a setup purely for sex. It's not about emotional bonding or finding a new fuck buddy, or even having emotional or tactile pleasure – it's about getting off with other like-minded guys. You arrive, you greet, you touch, you suck, you fuck, you blow, you go. Depending on your level of involvement, how long you can last, how many times you can cum in a session, is what will determine your length of stay. The success of these events depends on everyone actively participating, therefore the more guys involved the longer the session may last. Even with threesomes, there can be a pairing between two of the three, leaving the third somewhat out of the loop. So, timing with groups is not about the length of the group's activities, but rather how long each participant wants to stay. DURATION: 30 – 60 minutes for tops, through to “as long as you like“ for bottoms being gang-banged.

 

Old Friends/Fuck Buddies

Photos courtesy of Tumblr
These are the guys who are most comfortable with having sex. They know what to expect as they've been there and done it all before with the partner(s). It's a social outlet as well as being sexual. There will always be a relaxed atmosphere, perhaps a drink or catch up chat beforehand, laughter and more chat during sex, perhaps taking a break between bouts and then after the action is over, cuddling and naked body contact, followed by more conversation under the shower and over a drink. Probably will have a second quick round of pleasuring before heading home. DURATION: 120 minutes minimum

 

 

 

Bathhouses/Saunas

Luck and timing are two things you can't predict when visiting these steamy places. All you need to know is what time you have to be gone by. What happens between arrival and departure is the lure that keeps drawing guys back to such establishments. Individual encounters with other men can be few or many, deeply satisfying or mind-blowingly shallow, lengthy or brief. The men are all seeking physical relief and if anything else – like a conversation – happens, then that's a bonus. Each encounter is “fresh meat“. He may be to your liking, maybe not. But he's a man, seeking sex, and he's there right in front of you naked and available. Inevitable eye-contact will ensure sex happens. And of course, there's hopefully another guy waiting just around the corridor corner, so if this guy isn't up to scratch, then wait a minute or two and start cruising again. DURATION: 7 minutes for a quick cubicle pairing, 30 minutes for a mutually agreeable fuck session, 40 minutes if there's after-glow conversation. With 45 minutes maximum for any encounter, as within every guy's head his brain is either saying that he's still curious about who else might be available, or “how do I get out of this situation so that I can go home“. All encounters are transitory.

 

There you have it. "Peter's Rough Guide to Sexual Encounters". If you can see yourself in one of these scenarios, then take a moment to share that with us by adding a comment.


Disclaimer: All advice and information given here on this blog is general in nature and non-specific to any individual, couple or group. You are encouraged to seek your own independent professional medical, psychological and counselling advice. No endorsement of unlawful actions is intended or implied  


Looking for a horny erotic read about gay sex life in Australia? 

Try my ebooks - each volume contains a hot self-contained story.

When it is time to have sex with men, you need answers! Don't f**k up the potentially hottest sex time in your life by not knowing the facts. I'm the ex-married gay man who writes this blog, so I'm sharing my experiences with you in this easy-to-read ebook so that your sex with guys can be brilliant and always available. It's the best couple of dollars you'll ever invest! https://www.amazon.com/Straight-Mans-Guide-Same-Hook-Ups-ebook/dp/B00EUBGNTC
THE VERSATILE HUSBAND: Live Your Passion This is a more comprehensive version of A STRAIGHT MAN’S GUIDE TO SAME SEX HOOK-UPS and includes examining why as sexually frustrated men we feel the way we do and what can be done to improve the situation. Particularly useful for any married man who needs more detail  before deciding whether or not to sexually play with men.
e-book and paperback at Amazon.com

For an unidentifiable plain cover eBook edition of The Versatile Husband, go tohttp://www.amazon.com/Versatile-Husband-Plain-Cover-ebook/dp/B009V5AXEI
"A straightforward, practical guide for men in heterosexual relationships who'd like to explore sex with other men. Frank, honest and understanding."Kirkus Reviews

 

 

Tuesday, 19 January 2021

The Demise of Clothing Optional Gay Resorts


 


Parliament House
closed on November 3, 2020.

No – not the home of Australia's government, but the infamous gay clothing-optional resort in Orlando, Florida - self-proclaimed as the world's largest gay resort. 

To a worldwide group of mature-age men, this is the passing of legendary history.

Over the last forty-five years, these men flew the world to enjoy resort-style living where they could meet other like-minded, and broad-minded gay men. Their itineraries made sure that at least a few day's stay at these all-gay hotel/motel/resorts would result in the probability of sex 24/7, saving any sleep requirements for the onward plane journey.

These infamous resorts included Hotel Honolulu (Hawaii), Coral Sands Motel (Los Angeles), INNdulge, CCBC or any resort in Warm Springs Drive (Palm Springs), the Trades Hotel (Blackpool, UK), Golden Bear (Amsterdam), Island House (Key West), – and probably the most infamous of all, Parliament House in Florida. The latter offered six bars, drag shows, a theatre, cafĂ©, one hundred and twelve rooms, clothing-optional pool, and men on the prowl for sex – day and night – and where the likes of Cyndi Lauper and Sandra Bernhard entertained.

Such places were melting pots for the world's itinerant gay men. In a world of prejudice, homophobia, and prudery, these were oases where you could be yourself, feel safe, be naked, openly cruise for sex, enjoy conversations with flight attendants, corporate lawyers, or everyday gay men from the four corners of the world. They were insulated worlds where for once you were in the majority, respected and pampered. In Palm Springs, you could watch porn being filmed poolside, in Hawaii live your fantasy in the Bette Davis suite or, in Los Angeles cruise the fully enclosed motel where the doors of the forty suites were rarely closed. They offered queen and king size beds suitable for orgies and intimate sleepovers – no questions asked.

Photos courtesy Tumblr
Some, like the much-lamented Hotel Honolulu, assisted in that pre-internet age by sharing gay information. Their suites all had thick diaries where each occupant could add their comments about friendly restaurants, unsafe cruising areas, cheap clothing outlets, gay bars, rip-off merchants, backrooms, and gay-friendly everything worldwide They were compulsive reading and provided an invaluable service for spreading information throughout the then underground gay world.

And if you were fortunate, you might also meet men who could become life-long friends, several of who continue to enrich my life. Long live the remaining clothing-optional gay resorts!

 

* First published in Australia's Star Observer Gay Newspaper 2020

© Peter Benn 2020

 


Disclaimer: All advice and information given here on this blog is general in nature and non-specific to any individual, couple or group. You are encouraged to seek your own independent professional medical, psychological and counselling advice. No endorsement of unlawful actions is intended or implied  

 

Looking for a horny erotic read about gay sex life in Australia? 

Try my ebooks - each volume contains a hot self-contained story.

When it is time to have sex with men, you need answers! Don't f**k up the potentially hottest sex time in your life by not knowing the facts. I'm the ex-married gay man who writes this blog, so I'm sharing my experiences with you in this easy-to-read ebook so that your sex with guys can be brilliant and always available. It's the best couple of dollars you'll ever invest! https://www.amazon.com/Straight-Mans-Guide-Same-Hook-Ups-ebook/dp/B00EUBGNTC
THE VERSATILE HUSBAND: Live Your Passion This is a more comprehensive version of A STRAIGHT MAN’S GUIDE TO SAME SEX HOOK-UPS and includes examining why as sexually frustrated men we feel the way we do and what can be done to improve the situation. Particularly useful for any married man who needs more detail  before deciding whether or not to sexually play with men.
e-book and paperback at Amazon.com

For an unidentifiable plain cover eBook edition of The Versatile Husband, go tohttp://www.amazon.com/Versatile-Husband-Plain-Cover-ebook/dp/B009V5AXEI
"A straightforward, practical guide for men in heterosexual relationships who'd like to explore sex with other men. Frank, honest and understanding."Kirkus Reviews