PrEP (Truvada): OK for Him, What about Me?

You’ve always had safe sex in that you have always used a condom whenever you have had anal sex, either giving or receiving. You’ve not wanted to take home any infection or HIV transmission to your significant sexual partner.

But now you’re meeting more guys who are asking for bareback (BB) unprotected anal sex – and that’s confronting. He seems to be extremely happy about doing it that way. It’s as if he’s suddenly been released from years of bondage and now just wants to fuck around with whoever is available right now. And you’d be right. For anything up to three decades, we’ve all been told about safe sex and the importance of ALWAYS using condoms. For guys under 50 years of age, this means almost their entire sexually active life. For men over 50, it’s a self-imposed bondage that took away the halcyon years where anal sex was ALWAYS bareback and where that enormously pleasurable skin-to-skin feeling was seemingly going to be lost forever because of the AIDS crisis. Now with PrEP, they’ve been released from that prison and many are wanting to catch up for all those years of BB pleasure that at least in their head, was a lost period of indulgent pleasure to them.

But what is PrEP – it’s Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis. It’s a tablet that when taken daily, reduces the risk of contracting HIV by 99% or more. Its medical name is Truvada and it’s now becoming commonly available in most western cultures. For any man who is promiscuous with other men, it’s like being released from prison. Its availability implies that now you can go out and fuck with any male any time and as often as you like and you are protected from HIV transmission whether that partner is already HIV+ or is entirely negative in status.

If you’re still diligently using condoms, then confronting the idea of BB fucking can be daunting. As PrEP DOES NOT STOP OTHER SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES you need to decide whether condoms still need to be used. Chances are that ‘PrEP-Man’ is getting a lot more sex than you are, and that quite possibly means that his naked penis has been in many more orifices in recent times than you might think possible. For many, PrEP is like allowing the kid free reign in the candy store. What this means for you is that your new partner probably brings to your sexual encounter a higher likelihood of a sexually transmitted infection (STI). That’s not to say that he will but it only takes ONE encounter to be exposed to chlamydia, herpes or gonorrhoea, to name but three insidious infections. But it’s a decision that you have to be comfortable with.

You must also remember that YOU could be carrying something in the way of an STI that has not at the time of having new sexual activity shown any symptoms and unknowingly pass it on to another. For example, Chlamydia is one of those infections that likes to live in anal areas and doesn’t usually show any symptoms. Only after swab tests are taken is it detected.

All Images Courtesy Tumblr

Truvada (PrEP) is an enormously important break-through in the fight against HIV, and it is changing the sexual lives of gay and bi men. But it is NOT a protection for either you or him against STIs. If you want to go home from this new sexual encounter with a clear mind and be infection-free then you need to continue using condoms. Otherwise, if you bareback there is a likelihood, slim that it may be, of an unseen infection passing between you both.

PrEP is extraordinarily good for monogamous partners where one partner is HIV and the other negative. In a wider context where sex with multiple anonymous partners is a fact of life, prepare yourself to quickly answer the question of "bareback or condom" as soon as the issue arises. In the heat of the sexual moment, you may make the wrong decision and afterward suffer the guilt and the anxiety because of your actions.

I recommend that you take a moment right now to decide whether the price of feeling that naked penis inside of you is a decision you are happy to live with whatever the consequences, or whether continuing to have your partner use condoms will keep you guilt and stress-free. As it’s YOUR body it’s YOUR decision. ‘PrEP-Man’ should understand the importance of condoms to you – and if not, tell him “no thanks” and move on to another man who will. You don’t have to be the party that surrenders his integrity when it comes to maintaining your own best interests.

Disclaimer: All advice and information given here on this blog is general in nature and non-specific to any individual, couple or group. You are encouraged to seek your own independent professional medical, psychological and counseling advice. No endorsement of unlawful actions is intended or implied. No photo used implies any endorsement of this blog in any way. 

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My book briefly examines why as sexually frustrated men we feel the way we do and what can be done to improve the situation. Particularly useful for any married man who needs more detail before deciding whether or not to sexually play with men. If and when you decide to seek and enjoy sex with other like-minded men the book also covers everything you will want to know about finding them, safely playing with them and having more sexual enjoyment than you might have imagined.

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