Whatever type of sex we are having, whether that be male/male or male/female, paid or unpaid, it's of the highest importance that it is consenting sex. Consenting not only as to what will be shared between the participants, but also how that will be achieved.
I recently spoke to a married man who was highly concerned that he'd been "stealthed". That is, even though he gave consent to be penetrated by his anonymous bathhouse/sauna partner so long as that partner used a condom, he realized late in the action that he had been grossly violated by that man, who had secretly slipped off the condom during sex. Only when the partner began cumming inside of him (another thing that had not been discussed, even momentarily) did my distressed informant know that he was being used as just another piece of sexual meat by the top.
When confronted by the bottom man, the perpetrator simply shrugged his shoulders and said “so what. Since Prep everyone is doing all their fucking bareback. It's no big deal. I'm clean.“
My friend was not amused, pointing out that the guy had broken their agreement to have sex only with a condom, and there had been no discussion about giving him a cream-pie deep inside of him.
“You're a fuckin' selfish prick,“ was the words he said he used. “Don't you have any respect for the guys you fuck?
And therein lie two of the issues that so many men seemingly ignore. (There's also the legality of the action).
Selfishness - and lack of respect for others.
(1) Selfishness – as men, when we're horny, there is that insatiable desire to want to get our rocks off, and as soon as possible. Our day won't move on as successfully without firstly dumping a load. Masturbation, pick-up a guy off social media or head off for a quick visit to an all-male bathhouse/sauna. Even as we look at the meat-rack of potential partners inside that sex-on-premises location, it's all about us – what we want to sexually achieve, what sexual activity will make us happy. That's not necessarily a bad thing as we decide on our choice, but that choice of man then needs to be tempered with what that man wants as his choice.
(2) Respect – when we meet an anonymous man in order to have sex together, we can assume nothing about the life or experiences of the other one. At sex-on-premises locations conversation is generally in short supply. We make eye contact, we agree to have sex in a nearby cubicle and then we continue that sex until such time as intercourse is imminent. It seems to me, that in the height of passion, that's when so many begin to negotiate the terms and conditions of what will then take place.
Sex then takes one of two courses – the stronger/more active partner assumes that whatever he wants, you will also want. He begins to lube you and without any further discussion he begins to penetrate you. It's only if you then object to the lack of condom, that dialogue will take place. At this point he has shown no respect for you and your wishes.
For whatever reasons, you tell him that he has to put on that condom before re-entering you. For at that moment, you are respecting you. It's your body, your peace-of-mind, your method of staying healthy. If he doesn't then you should be strong enough to walk away from the encounter. If he does, then you rightly assume that the respect between the two of you has been established. Then, to be sure, you should be the one to roll it onto his erection. That gives you an even stronger peace-of-mind feeling. And in he goes. You begin to drift into the moment without having to reach around every so often just to check that he's still got it on. You don't even blink when the erection “slips out“ for a moment or two as it's soon back in giving you that deep pleasure that you're there for. As he builds momentum with his long strokes you might even silently acknowledge that condoms don't feel so bad after-all. You're deep in the moment and getting fucked is what it's all about.
Then you hear those fateful words “I'm cumming“ and you slightly acknowledge that you want to feel his full hard thrusting continue to climax as he's going to be shooting into the safety of the condom. Without another word he releases his juices and you realise that it's not going into a latex container, but rather shooting bare, deep into your arse. You're suddenly very alert knowing that somehow, and without your knowledge, the condom has been removed and you've been internally creampied by this anonymous creep.
And that's exactly the scenario my straight married informant told to me. What he also told me was the urgency to immediately try to pass out as much of the juice as he could. But it was the agony of the days that followed that created his greatest anxiety. He justified that from his internet searches there was little probability of HIV transference, though it was still a possibility. As part of his work time he had to locate an independent sexual health clinic to get tested without anyone knowing about it. And 24/7 he silently carried the guilt of allowing it to happen as well as the angst against himself for being so stupid and gullible.
These were burdens that he didn't need in his life and all because he trusted what he thought was a trustworthy, like-minded man who also enjoyed sex with other men. He had been taken advantage of and in the eyes of the law in parts of the western world, he had been raped. The verbal contract that he had established with his anonymous lover for anal sex with a condom, had been deliberately violated from the moment the lover slipped off the condom and continued intercourse without it. He had been betrayed!
If condom use is a priority for your casual sex life (especially for the safety from sexual transmitted infections), then it's very important that it's use is negotiated at the earliest opportunity of any encounter – perhaps even before you enter the privacy of a cubicle, and certainly before you reach his house if you're meeting off a dating app. It's important that you check throughout the encounter that's it is still on your partner. If it's not, you should then stop the encounter, walk away and if possible, draw the matter to the attention of the bathhouse/sauna management.
Law enforcement will vary from state to state and country to country, but you may be very surprised to learn, especially if the man concerned is HIV positive, that there may be a law about recklessly endangering other people's lives through intercourse without a condom. Put simply, with or without a HIV aspect, it's sexual assault. And it is unconscionable conduct that we shouldn't allow to go unrecognized, discussed or acted upon.
Looking for a horny erotic read about gay sex life in Australia?
Try my ebooks - each volume contains hot self-contained stories.
When it is time to have sex with men, you need answers! Don't f**k up the potentially hottest sex time in your life by not knowing the facts. I'm the ex-married gay man who writes this blog, so I'm sharing my experiences with you in this easy-to-read ebook so that your sex with guys can be brilliant and always available. It's the best couple of dollars you'll ever invest! https://www.amazon.com/Straight-Mans-Guide-Same-Hook-Ups-ebook/dp/B00EUBGNTC
THE VERSATILE HUSBAND: Live Your Passion This is a more comprehensive version of A STRAIGHT MAN’S GUIDE TO SAME SEX HOOK-UPS and includes examining why as sexually frustrated men we feel the way we do and what can be done to improve the situation. Particularly useful for any married man who needs more detail before deciding whether or not to sexually play with men.
e-book and paperback at Amazon.com
For a plain cover unidentifiable eBook edition go to: http://www.amazon.com/Versatile-Husband-Plain-Cover-ebook/dp/B009V5AXEI
"A straightforward, practical guide for men in heterosexual relationships who'd like to explore sex with other men. Frank, honest and understanding."Kirkus Reviews
