“I'm not gay, but the guy sucking my dick is."
Should straight men having sex with other men be labelled gay or bi? And alternatively, if a gay guy has sex with a woman would he then be regarded as straight?
This is a very controversial subject and brings out a lot of issues about how we see ourselves sexually and how we might be judged by others. By simply attaching a broad generic label, we are doing a great disservice to what can be seen as a complex issue. Sexuality is a broad spectrum and any curiosity or deviation from the mainstream should be factored into the answer.
I hate labels and prefer to just call myself or any other person - “sexual."
Sexuality is fluid, and when opportunities or desires change, or when curiosity rises to the fore, then a former label might not still be pertinent.
In its simplest terms, most straight men are looking for uncomplicated sex and cock relief. Full stop! It`s more about the penis than the man. Emotion, romance, or commitment are not part of the equation.
Let's seek answers as to why straight men might have sex with other men:
- Their wives or female partners aren't providing any or very little sexual outlet for them
- That it's just easier to find sex with men than it is with women
- That's it's less emotionally involving than with a woman
- It simply feels good. It's all about cock relief and men know what they like and how to get it – and give it
- It feels different - a hairy body feels different to a smooth-skinned female
- There's no chance of pregnancy
- There's an element of masculine ego at work
- They love to fuck anally and the female in his life is averse to this
- He wants a role reversal where he becomes the treated one in the partnership rather than always being in the dominating hunter role
- That it's purely a physical thing and nothing to do with individual self-proclaimed sexual identity. It's just sex!
- They want some variety in their life. No-one wants the same meal every day
- Men continue to want reinforcement that they are successful hunters and to bed a man shows that he's still capable of attracting a sexual mate, whatever age either of them might be
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- Men love their cocks being sucked whether by a male or a female – another aspect of the purely sexual nature of his hunting
- It's about guys bonding together through experimentation, especially young guys during teenage and young adult periods of their life
- Pleasure is pleasure, no matter who you share that with, whatever their adult age or the physical circumstances
- Men are not always actually attracted to men – they're attracted to the idea of sex with men – and that's a vital difference
- You're only interested in this subject if you're a man over the age of 30. Anyone younger has few issues with sexual fluidity and couldn't care less about gender or labels
- Your circumstances dictate your companions (e.g. an all-male jail, oil rig, isolated camp). If your choice of sexual partners is limited to self-masturbation or other men in the same circumstances, I suspect you'll see it as viable, convenient sex and nothing more
In summary, I would ask how much of this labelling is mind over matter – we shouldn't get ourselves whipped up into a frenzy over putting ourselves into a particular labelled box. Rather, let us enjoy all the variety and pleasures that sex can bring us, and if we happen to have been regarded as straight up to this point in our lives and now we've had enjoyable sexual relief with a man, then so be it. If you want a label, how about - “sexual“.
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"A straightforward, practical guide for men in heterosexual relationships who'd like to explore sex with other men. Frank, honest and understanding."Kirkus Reviews
