Recently I was chatting in a group when the subject of numbers of sexual partners came up. And the fact that heterosexual sex partner numbers can be very low by comparison to those of gay males we know of. The number of sexual activities of single gay men and those gay men in open gay relationships who play without their primary male partner being involved, are often out of all proportion to those of the average heterosexual man. It was our hear-say observation that their sex lives are very promiscuous in comparison to heterosexual single men.
Numbers:
I suggest that this following scenario would probably be true for a certain section of single gay men, particularly men above 40 years of age who live in suburbia and have access to internet pickups, a local cruising area or beat, a gay sex-on-premise sauna or bathhouse, or a local gay bar….
Weekly - at least two encounters per week for a one-on-one session. That’s a minimum of 104 sex acts per year.
Fortnightly – one visit to the bathhouse/sauna where at least 5 different individual and anonymous anal and/or oral sexual liaisons take place. That’s 130 encounters per year.
Already, without group sex situations or other random opportunities for sex that add disproportionately to the total, we have 234 different sexual acts in a twelve month period. Multiply that out by a decade and you can see that it is very easy to reach 2340 or more individual sex acts in that ten year period, with most of those probably being one time or anonymous encounters.
Take that frequency a step further and you can see how quickly the numbers add up – 20 years (4,680), 30 years (7,020), 40 years (9,360) and 50 years 11,700. And if you think that's an exaggeration for the 50 years, let me reassure you that I know many men in their 70s and 80s who are still very active on the private sex scene as well as at the sauna/bathhouse. And remember, we aren't even including any masturbation in our scenario.
What does this means to any male who has a man-to-man sexual moment?
- chances are your partner is probably far more experienced in sexual activity than he might admit to
- that your new trick’s mouth or cock has been in a multitude of places you perhaps don’t want to know about
- such high sexual activity increases the possibility of him catching or having had or currently has, some STI (sexually transmitted infection)
- where anal sex is concerned can any man honestly say that of his 234 anal sex acts that year that he was 100% condom wise especially now that the use of the PrEP tablet is so widely used and bareback sex is so universally expected
Therefore, if you’re a married or otherwise partnered straight man then you need to be aware that every sexual encounter you have with a gay man has the probability of being someone who is at the higher end of the promiscuous scale. These gay men who are out having heaps of anonymous and one-off sexual encounters are doing so because that is their current lifestyle. If they met a new partner or concentrated on only playing with one or two fuck buddies, then the anonymous sexual hit rate would be somewhat lower.
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| Images courtesy Tumblr |
Where do you stand in this scenario?
- Are you envious of all that sexual activity?
- Are you aware that many of these men are moving constantly from man to man in order to relieve the loneliness in their lives?
- Are you one of these so-called promiscuous men who is proud of the variety of interesting men that you have been able to meet and play with?
- Do you feel daunted that many gay men will be far more experienced than you are and therefore might see your inexperience as a negative strike against you playing together?
- Do you not give any thought to your new sexual partner's previous experiences – he's simply “Mr. Right Now“ and you're happy to get your rocks off without delay?
Answering these questions will tell you a lot about how you see yourself, both as a worthy sexual partner, and as a self-image of where you see yourself in the world of sexuality.
Personally, “notches on a belt“ are of little importance to me. We've ALL been that hesitant first-timer with fears, premature ejaculations and tongue-tied conversation.
After that it's all about how we then use that experience to advance our sexuality. Which kinky path we find most satisfying, the tribe of men that we feel most at home celebrating with, or the return to strict heterosexuality after our initial forays raised too much guilt and fear. We are, after all, sexual animals, and we constantly make decisions - good or bad - on the basis of that.
What's my attitude?
As for me, I'm just impressed that my penis continues to lead me to new and satisfying experiences, and continues to work its magic whenever I want it to. I don't see it as having a “use by date“ or wearing out through too much use. There's no spare parts or replacement shop. I have friends who jokingly tell me they follow the creed of “use it or lose it“ but for me, happiness is in the number one – the man standing naked before me who has set my desire on fire and who totally consumes my interest.
His previous experiences total and my previous experiences total do not enter this moment. We are simply two horny men sharing a delightful new moment of masculine sexuality.
So be it that tomorrow we look back and realise that we have added another notch to each others sexual belt. But for now it's a matter of love and lust – pure and simple. No curriculum vitae, no scoreboard required.
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For an unidentifiable plain cover eBook edition of The Versatile Husband, go to: http://www.amazon.com/Versatile-Husband-Plain-Cover-ebook/dp/B009V5AXEI
"A straightforward, practical guide for men in heterosexual relationships who'd like to explore sex with other men. Frank, honest and understanding."Kirkus Reviews
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