Tuesday 3 September 2019

Online Dating for Older Men


Online gay dating offers a widowed or separated mature man another opportunity to find friendship, good sex and perhaps even love.

Male friends, all eager to help you forget the tragedy, will invariably want you to start dating again – or at least get your share of man sex. And that means they – rather than you – will want to choose what they see as a suitable dating site for you to join.

You'll protest with “I'm not ready“, “it's too soon“, “I don't need another man in my life right now“ but they insist and invariably take control.

“It won't do you any harm to just fill out a profile or two… I'll do it for you“.


And so, they decide whether you need an instant sex pickup site like Grindr or Squirt and therefore download the app to your smart phone. Perhaps Silver Daddies would be better as that specialises in older/younger and older/older and is usually used on a computer or tablet. Or perhaps a bisexual site like Adult Friend Finder where both MM and MF and everything inbetween can be found. It's also time to leave behind monogamy thinking, if that is something that has been the norm in your past.

Hence, they sit with you, perhaps with a scenario like this unfolding…

Name: Here you'll preferably need a profile name that tells the reader of your profile what you're looking for… “luvoldermenArizona“, “backdoor taker“ or “thickNhung“. A little bit of time getting a catchy name can pay big dividends in your results.

Age: “Everyone lies on their profiles. Let's take a decade off your real age." This is where you decide on your honesty and try to put yourself in the mind of your suitors and what they're looking for. Just remember, that as one profile I know states: “If you don't look like your profile photo when we meet, then you'll buy me drinks until you do."

Location: If you don't want your nosey neighbours, ex work-colleagues or your friends to know too much about your sexual desires, then perhaps go generic and just use the city name rather than the suburb. Or use a nearby suburb as your location.   

Sexual Preference: Top. Bottom. Versatile. Bi. Gay group. Oral only. If this is the time to try new experiences, then state them.

Age Preference: Does a younger man interest you – or not? Who are you most comfortable with in regards to age and experience?

Ability to Host: You'll definitely get much more sex if you offer “able to host“. Otherwise be prepared to travel to his home, or a bathhouse/sauna. Now is also the time to decide if you're comfortable having strangers in your home, and if those sentimental photos of your late partner will be too confronting for you to actually get an erection and have sex in his gaze.

Profile Description: Time for a paragraph or two that will lure in the right men (yes – men – plural). Do you want “blow and go“ anonymous sex? Do you want friendship first and sex later? Are you seeking married men in order to avoid new relationship issues? Is bareback raw sex important or scary? Do you fantasise over the thought of all-night encounters, perhaps sex-fuelled “weekends away“? Quick sex or something of a social meet up with conversation and wine?

What's the nature of the men you'd like to meet – that is, retirees, professional business men, creative types, party-drug users, 420 (cannabis) users, farmers? Do you want to disclose your HIV status?  Are you popper/amyl friendly? Lay bare your Erectile Dysfunction impotence issues?

The longer the profile the less number of men will read all the way through it, and there's a chance that you will come across as controlling or “needy“ – neither of which is attractive to most online sex daters. Therefore, make the first paragraph alluring and state your preferences.

Photos: Chances are your friends will choose a “friendship“ type photo. They often see us differently to what we might see ourselves. For me, a smiling face in close-up works wonders. A full-body shot is good as it shows at one glance your physical shape and will attract men accordingly – and saves a lot of time-consuming emails later swapping images. Make sure they are current or honestly reflect your current body status. Under no circumstances should you ever put up a profile without an image whether that be facial or genital. Without an image, you're dead to most horny men and in their eyes, simply not worth the effort to chase and find out more.

Subscribe or Not: Most dating sites allow minimal contact with other members for free. However, if you want to have multiple message contact with one or several men, you will need to become a paying member. This will then allow full access to all other members at any time and that includes all their photos. The fee will appear monthly on your credit card statement, usually under a non descript name. If others see this statement then be aware that your membership may be noticed.

Responses: Don't be reticent about taking the initiative and telling someone of your interest in them. Select something of interest from their profile to highlight, for example, “I like movies“ – and briefly tell him what you've just recently viewed yourself and how much nicer it would have been to discuss it with him in bed. That then gives you both something in common and is a much more subtle approach than the in-your-face statement of “when can we fuck?“ contained in a single-line message. Your response is saying that you're interested in the brain and spirit of the man rather than just his cock. My experience is that older men appreciate the genuine, yet fun approach – and I can assure you that your message will stand out from the standard and all-too-often used “blow and go“ approach.

The Sex Starved and the Over-Eager: This is a warning. I'm also constantly being surprised by the fact that just because someone has a profile that they are getting lots of sex. That's VERY UNTRUE. To receive ANY messages at all is often the reality of online dating. Hence anyone who shows an interest can become the target of the lonely man hiding behind his profile. Remember, it's your body and your life, so it's OK to say “Thanks. But no thanks“. And sadly, I can practically guarantee that sooner or later you'll have a persistent stalker harassing you with very frequent messages – and when that happens that's the time to find the BLOCK button of the home page. None of us needs the desperate and the dateless wasting our time. We have nicer men to gently seduce and share our passion with.

Meeting: Meet in neutral territory (like a coffee shop) if that makes you feel more comfortable. Personally, I think that is a waste of time. If you feel good vibes from having a chat on the phone (I ALWAYS chat because I can pick up on those vibes) then meet and have sex immediately. If something doesn't feel right about the guy, then trust your instinct and tell him that it's not going to work between the two of you – and move on to another man. For me, that phone chat saves hours and lots of embarrassment when face-to-face. I'm online for sex and then possible friendship or developing a regular fuck buddy scenario. I'm not there to drink coffee at some out-of-the-way neutral shopping centre with a stranger.

All photos courtesy of Tumblr
Summary: Those first couple of dates with like-minded men will set you on your path to finding new happiness. The men and the circumstances won't feel the same as it was with your previous loved one. You're not looking to replace, rather you're looking to expand your life and all its possibilities. It's OK to feel a little scared, to lose an erection at the wrong time, to appreciate that the man's body feels different to what you've been used to. Embrace those differences and look forward to the time when you absolutely click in every way with a nice new man that you can become keen on spending more time with. That's exactly what your previous partner would want for you.

Enjoy your new sexual and friendship adventure. It's not as daunting as you might initially think. 

Disclaimer: All advice and information given here on this blog is general in nature and non-specific to any individual, couple or group. You are encouraged to seek your own independent professional medical, psychological and counselling advice. No endorsement of unlawful actions is intended or implied  

 

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