Hot Sex: 5 Good Reasons To Put “Hot” In Your Dating Profile

In the dating profile he states that he wants “hot sex”.

As the reader and potential sex partner, that word “hot” indicates several things to me:

–      that the guy will probably be pro-active in his endeavours to make the session a fun one. He has private expectations that we’ll both make it full of energy and may be even “anything goes” until we both drop from exhaustion

–      that he probably has in mind certain activities that will bring him satisfaction. If he’s versatile that can range from oral to anal and everything either side and in-between. No stopping until he has been sexually satisfied

–      that he won’t just lie there and not contribute to the event. That means I’ll get a lot of action lavished back on me so that we are equally contributing to the other one’s pleasure. This won’t be a one-sided event

–      that there is an expectation that the sex will be somewhat energetic and possibly work up a sweat. In my mind hot equals fire equals intensity – so I’m sure not going to miss this opportunity for an all-too-rare action session

–      that he’s worth taking a chance with as I’m also likely to get some good satisfying sex from the meet. How often have you had the “look-after-me-without-thinking-about-yourself“ type guy.  If you’re like me , that has been too often. Sex is about sharing and attempting to give the other guy a great time whilst he does the same to you. At least if he’s even thinking about “hot sex” then there is potential for a great time.

“Hot” is also a great word that defines in the mind of most guys that the potential sex will be better than average, and quite possibly be memorable. It’s a more powerful, persuasive word to describe sex than raunchy, casual, vanilla, loves, discreet, explore, uninhibited or stimulating. All of these have their place in profile descriptions and will attract the right playmate for you if you use them.

But when you’re feeling really horny, have an urge to be down and dirty, and you desire that totally uninhibited try anything sexual experience, then “hot” is the word that will push you over the edge. Inevitably you will choose the “hot” guy ahead of the others.  I know I do!  

Some Truths About Male Nudity And Self Confidence

I believe that how a man feels about his nakedness is a strong indicator of his own self esteem.

If you belong to a gym or a sport where there is a change area and showers, just observe (if you don’t already), how the men interact there.

There are those with the tightly wrapped towel around their waist and they put on or take off their jocks with a deft movement under the towel. Often these are the younger men who don’t want to expose their sexual assets to anyone older than themselves.

Then there’s those mature men who are happy to let it all hang out. A casual towel over one shoulder and the rest of the body is totally naked and they seem not to have a care in the world.  They’ll happily chat whilst naked and not care about who might be looking at them. It has occurred to me more than once, they are this confident because they are generally well hung and/or have a well defined body. Those assets surely help with the confidence levels.

Then there’s the closeted bi man who has eyes like an eagles scanning the rooms activity for a surreptitious glimpse of a bit of cock. Generally his locker is close to the showers, especially if the shower area is an open communal area rather than the cubicles now so common. His eyes dart from one man to another, carefully avoiding any fixed eye contact. If he can leave the room having obtained an eyeful of real live manhood then that image will stay with him possibly for days to come and will be a useful image to recall whilst masturbating or having sex with his wife.

Then there’s the buddies who are close friends and touch each other with arms around bare shoulders and the jokes about sex and the girlfriends come thick and fast. Nudity is no issue as they are straight men and as such don’t have any sexual interest in other straight men. They’re just horny buddies with other things on their mind - like, how they will get laid tonight.

And what about the nude beach?  Do you enter and exit the water confidently, not wearing swimwear? Lie on your stomach whenever anyone passes?  Roll onto your back and fluff up your privates to attract a passer by? Go for a walk in the cruising area totally naked? Watch sex happening and not be embarrassed when you have an erection?   And would you allow yourself to be photographed nude?

And around home - do you swim or walk around naked, avoid being seen naked by neighbors, bask in the sun exposing everything or always wear clothing of some sort? 

Where do you stand in the nudity scale?

Are you at the super confident I-don’t-care-who-looks-at-me extreme or the must-always-be-covered-guilt-oppressed one?

Your answer will tell you a lot about how comfortable or otherwise you are about your nudity - and about how confident you feel about yourself.

7 Mistakes With Gay Men That Make You Look Dumb

1)    You arrive late for a hookup, or worse still you don’t turn up at all.

All of us run late occasionally for an appointment. But courtesy is always appreciated so always phone, text or in some other way communicate this with your waiting lover. If you can’t make it at all then explain in detail later and assure him you’ll be right for next time. But make sure you deliver on your promise otherwise there is no third time.

2)    If you expect to sexually be the bottom and you don’t douche.

After a long day at the office your new sex partner understands that you may not be as clean and hygienic in the anal department as you both expect. Before you get down to action ask for a shower, bring a bulb douche with you in a plastic bag, and excuse yourself whilst he pours you both a drink and sets out the condoms and lube. There’s simply no excuse not to be honest and up-front – and hygienic.

3)    You talk too much during sex.

Keep your conversation to before and after the physical action. Sex is for pleasure so please, only the moans of pleasure and the expletives of delight to be uttered. Plus of course a triumphant “let’s do that again – NOW!”.

4)    You have bad breath.

Every supermarket, convenience store, drug store or food outlet sells a range of gargles, mouth fresheners, mints and other breath fresheners. There’s no excuse not to use them before you meet your man.

5)    You fail to tell him about your cold sore, runny nose or athlete’s foot.

We’re talking about honesty here. It’s about not spreading disease. About allowing your man to leave the liason health wise with nothing more than he came with. So if there is a health issue of any sort, communicate with him, cancel the arrangement if necessary and make a new appointment for when you are fully healthy again. The interface of gay and heterosexual worlds should be a caring one where we can all play safely and with as little infection as possible.

6)    You fail to be honest with him about your sexual experience or inexperience.

He reads your profile where it says you would like to be gang-banged by several guys, but in reality you’ve not had anal sex – ever. There is inevitably unhappiness on both sides when such stated sexual expectations are not met. If you’re inexperienced in a certain aspect of sex, be up-front and say so. You might just be introduced to it by the most understanding and thoughtful sexual teacher.

7)    Don’t be a stalker.

If your sex turns out to be just a one time event then accept that fact and move on to finding new men. No-one likes to be stalked by a sexually desperate guy who can’t understand when the emails and phone calls are not responded to. Read between the lines and understand that a response silence means ‘not interested any more’. Move on.

These are just a few turn-me-offs that have been consistent in my liasons. I’m sure that you can add many more to the list. Share them with us in the comments section. 

Phone Sex

In this age of internet connected mobile platforms, tablets and home computers that leave us with nothing to sexually imagine, is there still a place for good old fashioned phone sex? Yes, there certainly is. Stimulate the brain with verbal sexual stimuli and your imagination goes into overdrive. You don’t have to know who is on the other end of the phone other than perhaps a name and maybe an approximate age – and it’s not important that this is truthful.  Maybe it’s your faraway partner, a new man you’re trying to attract or someone anonymous recommended to you who you have never met. Start talking about your real or imagined sexual experiences, fill it with juicy detail about how you felt and what reaction you got from this real or imagined partner, listen to how the other guy on the phone starts trying to one-up you with his experiences and in no time your erection will be in need of attention. The brain has a great ability to create imaginative erotic scenarios from just a combination of a few words it hears. And because it’s solo masturbation it's the safest form of sex available.  In my own life I have one such anonymous caller and after nearly a decade of intermittant phone calls I know practically nothing about his real life though a great deal about what turns us both on -  and that just adds to the mystery. If we should ever meet then the fantasy would be over for the both of us, so why spoil a good thing.  Oh, is that the phone I hear ringing....

First Time Anal Sex

Photo Courtesy Tumblr

Will it hurt? What’s the best way to be taken the first time? I want it to be romantic - and with the right guy. Is it better with a small cock or doesn’t it matter? What if he shoots inside me?  I’d love five guys one after the other to plough me.  Should I practice with a dildo to get used to the feeling? What’s the best lube to use?

When we’re thinking about being penetrated for the first time these and other questions take over our thinking. Today, let’s just discuss one of these – taking your time.

Possibly the only time that you’ve had your anus entered is when your doctor digitally penetrated your anus when he examined your prostate (you have had a prostate check up recently haven’t you?). You were hesitant at first but if truth be known you kind of liked what the effect was. The doctor used lubricant, his gloved finger penetrated with little inconvenience, your sphincter relaxed and when he withdrew you realised that the experience had been more than pleasant. What it also told you was that your anus, however tight you felt it was, was able to be opened. Anal sex was therefore possible with the right man. Perhaps not at first with a thick or extra long cock, but certainly with a small to average one.

Therefore have your partner take time to massage your anal area with his finger and lubricant. Possibly let him rim you with his tongue (make sure you have douched and showered first). The anal region then becomes relaxed for entry. After he’s slipped on his condom, let him slowly push in to you – but not all the way. Ask him to move in and out for a period of time, then withdraw, add more lube inside you and onto the condom and re-enter. By now you should be happy about his entering you fully and you should be relaxed and saying to yourself "Why have I waited so long in my life for such exquisite pleasuring". If not, repeat the lubing procedure. Both of you can then have a great experience and take whatever time you want to reach your climaxes.

Another great way for a first time is for you to sit on him or to back on to his waiting erection. In this way, you have complete control as to how fast, how deep and how enjoyable you want it to be.  And if it is slightly painful you can say that it’s enough for this session. But let's try it again next time.

Do not let him enter you without sufficient lubrication or a condom – or if he wants to be overly assertive just for his own pleasure. It’s your body and you deserve all the pleasure you can get. Have safe fun.

Disclaimer: All advice and information given here on this blog is general in nature and non-specific to any individual, couple or group. You are encouraged to seek your own independent professional medical, psychological and counselling advice. 

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