Personal Safety With Your New Hook-Up

When planning a hook-up with another guy, especially on his patch of turf, how much do you consider your personal safety?  In what order would you think about the following:

Physical Safety – he’s bigger and stronger than I am. Will he physically dominate me? Force me to have anal or some other form of sex against my will?

Game Play – if I’m tied up for some mild B&D will I trust him to release me when requested?

House Arrest – can I leave the house/apartment easily or does he lock the door after we are both inside?

Drinking or Drugs – will the alcohol or unfamiliar drugs impede my perception of safety?

Suggestions For Role Play – when I’m asked to move beyond my own sexual boundaries perhaps to partially dress as a woman, be caned on the buttocks or defecate on him, can I safely refuse without reprisal?

Canine Security – once inside his house you discover a rather large dog, friendly enough to his master but somewhat suspicious of you and any unexpected moves?

Beat Bashers – I’m out cruising for men at the beach or in the woods when I come across a group of supsiciously homophobic young guys. Do I have an escape route planned?

Hijacked In His Car – he’s picked you up at the bar and is driving you to his place. You’re captive in his car going to an unknown destination when the conversation takes a turn for the worse. What can you do?

Sex In Public – he wants to have sex where there is a more than an even chance of getting caught. Do you risk it or opt out?

Quite often we’re just super-sensitive to the sexual situation and we don’t give any thought to anything other than hot physical enjoyment. In fact the possibility of a little danger can give an even greater adrenelin rush. If you play sexually with men, sooner or later you will feel uneasy about some particular aspect of an arrangement. It may all be in your own mind, possibly the clarity of your thoughts clouded by alcohol or drugs, but I suggest if there is a thought that irritates, then take a second look. Better safe than sorry. Better no sex than physical harm.

Suggestion:

(1) Always let someone else know where you will be playing. Send a text to a trusted buddy, leave a message with the address details on your own voice mail, leave the address in a sealed envelope on your desk at home or the top drawer of your office desk.

(2) Listen to your instincts and not your cock. If the situation doesn’t seem right for some inexplicable reason, bail out of the arrangement. There’s always other guys to play with on some other day where you will find the sexual tension just right for the both of you.

How To Douche For Men: A Simple Male Douching/Enema Guide For A Clean Chute

(From my book “The Versatile Husband”)

http://www.amazon.com/The-Versatile-Husband-Man-To-Man-ebook/dp/B008GMT61S

If you are going to present yourself as available for receiving anal sex then you need to prepare.

Douching is the act of inserting room temperature water into your anus and then emptying your bowel of all faeces so that the canal is clean.  After showering and soaping the outer anus this then opens up the options of penetrative anal sex and/or rimming (using his mouth and tongue to excite your anal nerve ends) without any unexpected surprises for the active partner.

There are a variety of douches available from a pharmacy / drugstore, or online.  The simplest and most convenient to use is the bulb with a short insertion nozzle. 

   ä    Insert a small amount of lubrication on the anal entrance

   ä    Into a hand basin add room temperature or lukewarm water

   ä    Squeeze syringe with the nozzle under the water to draw up the water into the bulb

   ä    Insert the nozzle into your anus and squeeze the water into the colon. (This is easiest whilst sitting on the toilet or lying on your back on a towel on the floor with your legs in the air

   ä    Clench buttocks to hold in the water.  Repeat several times until you feel that you can’t hold the water inside you much longer

   ä    Evacuate your colon. Wash and clean the nozzle.  Ideally a shower with soap and water should follow with additional soap cleansing the anal opening and just inside the colon

As the potential receiver of the rimming and/or his erect penis you are now ready for a great sexual treat. Your thoughtfulness and cleanliness will be greatly appreciated by your partner who will consequently be very enthusiastic towards giving you pleasure.

Note: An appreciative partner fully understands if you arrive at his home from a long day at work and want to spend a few minutes in the bathroom preparing. Tell him before you arrive and you’ll have no embarrassment from either party. A freshly cleaned colon tells your partner that you care and that you want to present yourself to him for not only your pleasure but for his as well. Removing any doubts about cleanliness means a hot sex session without any lingering doubts in the mind. Your sphincter will also be more relaxed and penetration with lubricant should be much easier and enjoyable for you both. 

Have fun!

Disclaimer: All advice and information given here on this blog is general in nature and non-specific to any individual, couple or group. You are encouraged to seek your own independent professional medical, psychological and counselling advice. No endorsement of unlawful actions is intended or implied  

Looking for a horny erotic read about gay sex life in Australia? 

Try my ebooks - each volume contains hot self-contained stories.

60 Guys at a Jackoff Party

Older/Younger House Party

Beach Sex on a Hot Summer Day

3somes, BDSM and Food Sex

He's out there looking for you...

A STRAIGHT MAN’S GUIDE TO SAME SEX HOOK-UPS: How And Where To Find Your Man 

When it is time to have sex with men, you need answers! Don't f**k up the potentially hottest sex time in your life by not knowing the facts. I'm the ex-married gay man who writes this blog, so I'm sharing my experiences with you in this easy-to-read ebook so that your sex with guys can be brilliant and always available. It's the best couple of dollars you'll ever invest! https://www.amazon.com/Straight-Mans-Guide-Same-Hook-Ups-ebook/dp/B00EUBGNTC

THE VERSATILE HUSBAND: Live Your Passion This is a more comprehensive version of A STRAIGHT MAN’S GUIDE TO SAME SEX HOOK-UPS and includes examining why as sexually frustrated men we feel the way we do and what can be done to improve the situation. Particularly useful for any married man who needs more detail  before deciding whether or not to sexually play with men.

e-book and paperback at Amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/Versatile-Husband-Peter-Benn/dp/1481099671

For a plain cover unidentifiable eBook edition go to: http://www.amazon.com/Versatile-Husband-Plain-Cover-ebook/dp/B009V5AXEI

"A straightforward, practical guide for men in heterosexual relationships who'd like to explore sex with other men. Frank, honest and understanding."Kirkus Reviews

Does Kissing A Man Make Me Gay? Some Thoughts

To kiss – or not to kiss?  How much of the question is in your mind and how much is a result of genuine feelings?

In a heterosexual straight western world ‘real’ men don’t kiss – or so the social conventions would have us believe. A peck on the cheek of a child or an adult female is generally regarded as not crossing any behavioural barriers.  Male sportsmen can hug – but not kiss when reacting to a positive sporting result as kissing would be an affront to the masculine image that heterosexual society maintains.

I’m curious as to why when a husband decides it’s time to play sexually with a man, the partners decide early on about their approach to sex and who will top and/or bottom - yet they can be very indecisive about kissing.

A straight man brings with him two things to that sexual liason:

-       social conditioning baggage that says that two men being intimate, through kissing, is reprehensible and in straight society’s eyes – wrong!

-       the mindset that kissing is something that immediately puts you in to the media stereotype that says only effeminate gay men kiss. As a straight man you tell yourself that you don’t want that label (Question: Who will actually give you that label? I suspect, only yourself!)

You probably intend to kiss his nipples, wrap your whole mouth around his penis and suck him, and possibly rim his anus.

Therefore lips-to-lips seems a tame sexual activity compared to these mouth induced pleasures. Remember how enjoyable deep kissing your wife-to-be was when you were in the height of your romantic period. Deep, warm, sensual, long, passionate, delectable and with every movement it sent a message to your penis that made you even hornier. It’s the same with a man – the same sexual tension, the same sensuality and the same warmth.

All that has got in the way is your mindset – a ‘no kissing’ policy is really just your attitude to the conditioning that you think your society expects of you. And by adopting this attitude you’ll miss embracing the passion, the energy and the pleasure this intimacy can bring.

Don’t label yourself. Whatever you enjoy in the way of sexual activities is right for you. Don’t try to live what you imagine society’s ideal man to be. Be yourself – a sexual man who doesn’t carry the baggage of society’s labels like gay, bi or straight.

Whether you kiss or not, let it be a spontaneous reaction to the man you’re with.

Invitation To An Orgy

Photo Courtesy Tumblr

If we’ve been playing with a variety of men, sooner or later we can expect to get that invitation to join in with an orgy. To get such an invitation we need to have demonstrated that we are fun to be with, we’re sexually liberated, happy to share our body with a range of men, we’ll be involved rather than just be a voyeur and that we might invite another man of like-mind who would also like to join in.

All orgies are different, but generally there is a social element to begin with where the participants congregate whilst everyone is arriving. The host, whose home it is being held in, will want to set the scene for the event and will dress in just his briefs or nothing at all. Some drinks and a time for a chat allows everyone to get to know their fellow participants – and to eyeball the guys that they have taken a liking to. At a set time it’s clothes off and into the action. For small groups, bedrooms are good locations, as it means lots of action in a very compact area – on the bed, over the bed, together in the bed, men on their knees, group groping, multiple partners and lots of touch. The closeness of bodies and happening sex can be a real turn on.

But some of the best orgies I’ve attended were those held in the lounge or living space, as that gives more possibilities for larger group action. There is always pairing up, 3somes, side-by-side group action on the floor – and if a portable sling has been acquired for the event, this is sure to provide a steady stream of men wanting to be gang-banged as well as those who are more than willing to give them their fantasy.

You’ll always find poppers (amyl nitrate) and alcohol in use. Sometimes drugs of a harder nature. There will be some, if not a lot, of bareback unsafe sex. Condoms may be provided but their use is often ignored. Lubrication is generally in plentiful supply. Sex with multiple partners is expected of you, and if you are versatile, reciprocated back to multiple partners. When you give oral you won’t always know where that cock has been before you suck it so expect that some will have been inside anal passages and not washed. You’ll see cocks that will be erect for the whole party (ably assisted by a tablet before the proceedings commenced).  If it’s a mixed age event expect some attitude from those younger members who only want to play with the handsome, muscled gym-fit guys of their own age. Group sex under the shower can be a fun finale to the event. Photographs and video should not be taken unless there is prior agreement between the participants.

There are also commercially organized sex events which are like orgies, where up to a hundred or more guys attend and have sex in the same play space. With these there is more of a chance to find a man who you will feel attracted to for a one to one session, but remember this is an orgy, so spreading your talents around the room is what is expected. You can have your one to one with him another time – or later that evening.

An all-male orgy is a very sexually liberating and fun time. They’re a great opportunity to witness and participate in a wider erotic sexual context than you might normally with a one to one or even a 3some. They are not for everyone and you’ll soon discover whether the freedoms and boundaries are to your liking or not.

When you do get that first invitation you won’t think of anything else for days – your mind will go into overdrive. Expect erections, mixed thoughts about what might or might not happen, that you will live out fantasy ideas in your mind and trawl the Internet websites for orgy videos.  There is a great sense of anticipation, of being accepted because of your sexuality.

It’s a much better invitation than to almost anything else I can think of!

Disclaimer: All advice and information given here on this blog is general in nature and non-specific to any individual, couple or group. You are encouraged to seek your own independent professional medical, psychological and counselling advice. 

For more details about other man-to-man sex issues read

THE VERSATILE HUSBAND by Peter Benn

e-book and paperback at Amazon.com or

paperback only at your favourite online or local bookstore.

http://www.amazon.com/Versatile-Husband-Peter-Benn/dp/1481099671

"A straightforward, practical guide for men in heterosexual relationships who'd like to explore sex with other men.  Frank, honest and understanding."

Kirkus Reviews

TALES FROM THE FUR SIDE: Purrfectly Adorable Cat Stories

A collection of entertaining tall tales, and (possibly) true, from the secret lives of cats - as told by the cats themselves!  Mischief. Mayhem. History. Heroism. Revenge and Reflection - this is life as lived on the fur side, beyond the prying eyes of humans – where wisdom, adventure and love mix abundantly with mystery, murder and exotic locations.   A treat for everyone who shares their life with a cat.

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