Is a Fuck Buddy (FB) the most honest relationship you’ll
ever have?
In our world of man-to-man sex, a fuck buddy is another guy
with whom we have non-committal sex. It’s a welcoming
relationship/friendship primarily centred around mutual sexual enjoyment
without any other expectations or demands. You don’t even have to know their
name or anything about them, you simply know that the sex between you both is
urgent, primal, exciting and probably better than you get elsewhere.
Talking is not a pre-requisite to a great FB relationship.
However that said, some of the best FBs share verbal intimacy telling each
other things that they don’t share with anyone else. For a married or partnered
man this can be the best counselling outlet he could possibly have. Neither
party need care about how the other lives his life, his relationships, or his
other baggage but many do. It’s the sexual friendship that is primary and
because it is so flexible it doesn’t interfere with their otherwise every day
lives.
There’s a freedom to totally be yourself without having to
live up to an image, expectation or social convention. You know he won’t say no
when asked, and you have a fair idea of what the sex will be like as that’s the
reason you’re back again for another bout.
And when the sex is no longer satisfying or convenient you
simply say so and move on -or you become good friends without the sexual
benefits.
It’s a relationship that is:
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| Photo Courtesy of Tumblr |
Functional – it’s purely physical as at least one guy is
horny and wants to get his rocks off, nothing more, nothing less. The other is
always agreeable to a hot session – that’s what FBs do for each other
Immediate – knock on his door, phone him to meet in half an
hour – it’s not about planning ahead, it’s about doing the deed right now. The
spontaneity aspect can be a very seductive part of this functional friendship
Hosting - the host can live his life not knowing when the
next call or knock will happen. I know of one such ‘couple’ where his part-time
lover drives a cab and can drop in at any time of the day or night depending if
he’s driving in the area and can grab a half hour from his shift. A host must
expect to have sex at any hour of the day or night. Another friend slips out of
the family home late at night on the pretext of a supermarket purchase and sees
his neighbourhood FB. Yet another goes on a long walk with the family dog early
morning calling in to his lover en route
Expectations – you don’t have any, except you both know that
sex with each other is great. Somewhere in recent history you had great sex
together and you agreed that you both wanted more of it. Totally ‘no strings
attached’
Encourages Sexual Variations – you and your fuck buddy have sex that
you both are comfortable with. This can be vanilla sex or it can be the
opportunity to enjoy more on the wild side, sex that you simply couldn’t do
with your marital partner. Some light bondage, use of feminine clothing,
outdoor sex, sex anywhere in the house except on a bed, use of dildos and other
sex toys, water sports, you’re a bottom instead of always being the top like at
home, etc
Time – don’t expect a long session unless this has been
pre-arranged. Fuck Buddies are about ‘blow and go’. Arrive, jump right into the
passion, do the deed, leave, both carry on with your lives
Partnered/Married Men – being a FB gives you extra sex
beyond your primary relationship. If this is an ‘open relationship’ where
agreement has been made beforehand that sex with other men is approved, then
you have the best of both worlds. Just make sure that your host understands
that you might not be able to keep to pre-set times of meeting because of
sudden last minute primary partnership obligations. However if you cancel too
often he’ll probably sooner or later dump you no matter how good the sex. Some
married men don’t want to play the field and would rather just have the one FB
to visit as often as he can. This also decreases the likelihood of him picking
up a sexually transmitted infection unless of course, your buddy is being
promiscuous in your absence. Always assume that he is playing around and
continue to use condoms for safe sex
Telephone Caution – you need to avoid having a record of the same
phone number showing up on the bill over several weeks, a number that could be hard
to explain to the paymistress of your household
Anonymity – a friend has two regular FBs – one of 12 years
(a single gay man), one of 8 years (single straight man) where he knows
virtually nothing about them except their first name, general occupation and
vague knowledge of the suburban area they live in. With the former he has no
telephone contact details so waits for the “I’m horny” telephone call, while
with the other he can initiate a meeting between certain ‘at work’ core hours.
Over the years he has had possibly well over 100 individual sexual times with
each of them yet still knows so little about them. Sex and companionship are
the core of these friendships and they are ongoing. Some brief conversation
takes place but it is not the purpose of their getting together
No Monogamy Restriction – each man is free to have sex with
other men or women wherever and with whoever he likes without having to
disclose such matters. Sex with others is taken as a given
Frequency – it’s usually a sex-on-demand arrangement, with
no particular set time frame. For the married husband it’s whenever he can get
some time to himself. For him, having a retired single man or a shift worker who
can offer to host during the day is ideal. But FB arrangements can include everything
from the regularity of the first Friday of the month to calling in after golf
It’s Not Love – if your sex life is centred only on this FB arrangement be cautious that it doesn’t
become a misplaced love affair from your perspective. Your host will most
likely only be enjoying the sex and the ease of being further uninvolved with
you, whereas you see him as your primary sexual outlet and therefore it’s all
you think you need. Chances are it’s not. You need to experience sex with other
guys to keep your perspective in balance.
A fuck buddy can be a highly desirable aspect of man-to-man
sex. Chances are it will come to you when you least expect it. In the meantime
enjoy sex with many men and perhaps one of those where you had particularly
good sex and friendly vibes might develop into that FB relationship. Perhaps it
might then be your only link to the gay world – easy, always available, fun and
friendly. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: All advice and information given here on this blog is general in nature and non-specific to any individual, couple or group. You are encouraged to seek your own independent professional medical, psychological and counselling advice.
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