The Versatile Husband

Friday, 12 April 2013

Frottage: Fun Sex Without Penetration

Photo Courtesy Tumblr

Slip! Slap! Slide! All the fun of a slippery slide for adults and oh so very erotic.

Slip off the clothes.

Slap on the oil, hand lotion or other lubricant.

Slide along and around and over and between your partner's body - and enjoy.

For two men frottage is the sexual act of rubbing their two bodies together to provide mutual pleasure usually without anal penetration but with ejaculation. It can be both foreplay that leads to further action or it can be an end in itself.

As foreplay-only, it’s regarded as a totally safe sex act as there is no penetration. But with so much delicious friction being created there is always the likelihood of penetration happening, whether that is planned or otherwise. It’s difficult to stop to find a condom and therefore unprotected sex can happen. It should also be remembered that even with a condom there is a likelihood of it being rendered ineffectual by the oils or other ingredients you’ve been playing with. To be totally safe, avoid intercourse and simply enjoy the slippery merrymaking you’ve been having.

Frottage can be great fun as a variant to your regular sex romp with your male partner. If for one reason or another anal penetration is out of the question, simply drop more lubricant than usually required around his genital area and begin slipping in your erect penis between his legs every which way you can. Frottage is a special treat as it brings in to play many pleasurable parts of the body including stomach, pecs, lower stomach, groin, penis, balls, perineum and anal area. It’s total body pleasure.

Set Up:

It’s going to get delightfully messy, so plan ahead. If you will be sharing your frot time in a bed (and that’s the easiest and most comfortable place to do it), cover the bottom sheet with towels and slip over the top of them an old fitted sheet that doesn’t matter if it gets soiled with lubricants and cum (such play sheets should be in the cupboard of every sexual host). A plastic under sheet is also great for saving your bed linen from stains.

Lubricants:

It’s essential that your lubricant is long lasting before it begins to dry out. A dry frot session is not much fun, so experiment with various massage oils, hand lotions and water based sexual lubricants to find which one is best for your needs. Also look in the kitchen cupboard for thick ready-made custard, chocolate sauce, cooking oils, etc - as these add an additional taste and viscous nature to the event. You’ll enjoy the laughter and fun that such diverse every day items can bring to your pleasuring. Not every man is going to enjoy being partially covered in chocolate sauce and having it licked off him – but you can be sure it will be a sex session he won’t forget. When using these products forget about penetration as a chocolate filled anal cavity is no fun. If kitchen items are not for you, simply indulge using copious amounts of sexual lubricant.

Personal Preparation:

Body hair and frottage action are not the most compatible of combinations, so if you or your man are hirsute then a shaving session either alone or with each other as a preliminary to bed action is advised. A smooth shaven body makes an amazing runway for erotic lubricated pleasuring and if the pubic hair is also gone from the groin and balls then penis to ball sac action will send you both to pleasure heaven.

Face-to-Face Action:

Smear each torso and genital areas with lubricant. Wrap your arms around each other. Kiss, laugh, slide, slip, lube up some more, use hands to spread the lube, play with his balls, wrap your hand around his shaft and manipulate it, add you shaft and wrap the two together masturbating as a snugly held duo, rub your cock over his nipples, let him taste your sweet lube-covered manhood, plunge your cock between his balls and upper legs and externally f**k him as he grips your shaft with excitement. As you bend over him feel his erect cock slide up and down the valley of your butt cheeks, hold each other and roll around together, perhaps introduce a dildo into your partner’s anus and watch him clench his butt cheeks to hold it in whilst his stomach tightens to give you a hard runway on which to slide. You get the message - and I’m sure your imagination and lust will add many more variations.

Riding A Face-Down Partner:

If one wants or needs to be the only active partner it can be performed with the recipient face down wallowing in the sheer pleasure of his partner’s active cock plunging externally over his anus and between his butt cheeks, along the lower spine, hands spreading the lubricant as if having a massage. The active man can add pleasure to them both through additional friction by sliding all over the back and buttocks of his relaxed partner and then shoot his load on his partner’s back or crack whenever he is ready. As the active partner he’s the one in control.

Don’t forget, keep both bodies well lubricated as you’ll otherwise get friction burns and they can quickly kill the pleasure zone.

Benefits:

Frottage is all about doing everything with your partner that involves pleasure and the liberal use of lubricants. It’s about hands, cocks and skin areas caressing, stroking and stimulating each other. It’s about long sensual kissing whilst the bodies continue to writhe in unadulterated pleasure. It’s about shooting your load externally on to your partner or using his body to manipulate you to orgasm between his legs, into his mouth or elsewhere on his body.

It’s about intensity, pleasure, body contact and safe sex. But above all it’s about pleasure and fun.

Disclaimer: All advice and information given here on this blog is general in nature and non-specific to any individual, couple or group. You are encouraged to seek your own independent professional medical, psychological and counselling advice.

A STRAIGHT MAN’S GUIDE TO SAME SEX HOOK-UPS: How And Where To Find Your Man

When it is time to have sex with men, you need answers!

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TALES FROM THE FUR SIDE: Purrfectly Adorable Cat Stories

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Wednesday, 27 March 2013

How and Where To Find Men For Sex

(For more comprehensive detail read my book THE VERSATILE HUSBAND in paperback or e-book download at Amazon.com )

Men who want sex with men can find willing and enthusiastic partners in a variety of places. Sometimes these are anonymous contacts, sometimes they are planned. Local gay newspapers and gay directories of your city are generally available online, so use them to know what’s happening re parties, safety issues about cruising areas, telephone numbers for bathhouses, etc. Here’s a few ideas to get you started....

Internet: There are a myriad of dating sites on the Internet, and because you’re reading this on the Internet I presume that you already know your way around. Choose the one that suits your sexual interests the best. For example:

Men of all ages: Gay.com, Gaydar, AdultFriendFinder, OutPersonals, GayCupid, ManPlay, GCruise, Cruising For Sex

Mature males and their younger admirers: Silver Daddies, Apollo Network, Gay Mature Dating

Bears (men with hair and their admirers): Bears411, Bearfront, Daddy Woof, Bearwww

Instant Cruising: Grindr (Phone App), Squirt. Growlr (Phone App)

Bathhouse / Sauna: Most cities have a sex-on-premises male bathhouse (or sauna) where bi and gay men meet for the purpose of sex. It can be friendly or anonymous and there’s always guys there willing to share sex. The facilities usually have a spa, steam room, shower, lockers, cafe, gay papers, private cubicles, public play areas and opportunities to voyeur on others having sex. They are safe, government approved places for sex. You’ll find a lot of married men at them especially during the day and late afternoon.

Jack Off (Wank) Clubs: Groups of men who like masturbating with one another. Generally no oral or anal sex, total nudity, everyone in the same room and lots of touching, kissing, pleasuring with oils or lubricants, conversation, masturbating one another in groups and a happy feeling of being in a community of like-minded men. Great for men not interested in the full gay scene nor interested in anal sex. Check the locations link at: http://www.nyjacks.com/index.php/links

Cruising Outdoor Locations: Beaches, forests, secluded lakeside areas, suburban parks, roadside rest stops – they are all places men use to meet one another for instant, often anonymous sex. Such places are not legal for sex, can be dangerous but are never-the-less vital sexual outlets for married, bisexual and gay men of all ages. Use them at your discretion and with care.

Sex Shops and Adult Bookstores: Cruise the backrooms for sex with like-minded men in a safe environment. Group and individual masturbation, glory holes for oral sex, cubicles for privacy, television porn, generally remain fully clothed, no showers available.

Gay Bars: Through the local gay press you’ll find gay bars that generally operate for particular gay types (hairy bears, young twinks, drag performances, leather etc). Mostly operate at night. Many hold special events such as foam parties, underwear parties, fund-raising drag nights, best butt, Mr Gay etc. Sex is usually off-premises though the parties are anything goes.

Pay For A Man: Yes, put up your money and you can choose the best possible man for an hour or so of sheer indulgent pleasure, doing exactly what you want him to do to you. Why put up with the average when you can have the best – and when you’ve totally satisfied yourself, show him the door. No awkward moments, no need to reveal any details about yourself, and you can choose a horny man who in other circumstances mightn’t even look at you.

Adult Cinemas: These show sex videos (both gay and straight) whilst patrons indulge in self masturbation, group masturbation, straight sex or gay sex. Sex is very voyeuristic. (see my blog article Adult Sex Cinemas for more details).

Sex Parties: Check the local gay press especially for holiday weekend parties. There’s always several advertised both at gay bars as well as other venues. These can be sex parties or dance parties (sometimes with a backroom for sex). Bathhouses sometimes have nude nights.

Massage: Indulge yourself for a massage with a gay masseur and you might get to have a ‘happy ending’ as he masturbates you to a sticky climax. You’ll need to negotiate beforehand if he does such extras. If he doesn’t, then enjoy the massage and shoot a load when you get home.

Like-Minded Social Groups: Meet guys who share the same interests, hobbies or culture you do. Check the gay press for community listings where you’ll find gay clubs for auto enthusiasts, walking and hiking, specific ethnic or cultural groups, movies, dining out, nudity etc. These are good for meeting men that can lead to sex at a later time and different locations.

When you’re horny and keen to get a man for hot sex don’t forget the safety aspects; the physical circumstances of the encounter, the sexual safety re using condoms and mental impairment that can happen through drug use. We’re all ruled by our sex urge at these moments but if we can apply a little common sense then playing safe in every respect will let us have great ongoing sex without any issues of fear, sexually transmitted diseases or guilt.

Have the best sexual fun you can possibly have! Enjoy!

(For more comprehensive detail read my book THE VERSATILE HUSBAND in paperback or e-book download at Amazon.com or paperback only from booksellers across the internet including The Book Depository or Barnes and Noble or your local bookshop)

Wednesday, 13 March 2013

Your Underwear Defines Your Sexual Confidence

(taken from THE VERSATILE HUSBAND by Peter Benn - Page 94)
Paperback and e-book at Amazon

http://www.amazon.com/Versatile-Husband-Peter-Benn/dp/1481099671

or Paperback only online at Barnes and Noble, The Book Depository or other online booksellers.

Underwear – such a simple word, yet a word filled with emotion and latent sexual expectation. At their simplest, underpants cover a man’s genitals and buttocks. They add comfort, support, warmth – they’re very practical. And that is generally the approach taken when a wife shops for her husband.

But they are much more than that. They are symbols of how a man feels about himself and his masculinity. They should make him feel good, feel sexually masculine and empower him with confidence.

Does your wife buy your underwear? Is it underwear that your father or grandfather might have worn? Is it the cheapest, safest, whitest, and most conservative underwear on the market? Are all pairs the same? Do they glaringly say that here is a man who is not in control of his life – especially his masculine and sexual image of himself? If your answer is “yes” to any of these, then it’s time for a makeover.

Interesting, stylish, feel-good jocks are an important statement about yourself. There’s a bewildering range of styles, cuts, shapes, materials and colors available, so there’s no excuse in not being able to find ones that make you feel good, feel sexy, and/or make you aware of your sex organs throughout the day. The latter reminds a man that he has sexual energy trapped in his groin that is growing stronger and will need satisfying some time soon. A constant reminder that your horniness is increasing is a feeling of being alive to your masculinity.

And buy lots of different pairs, styles and colors so that as your mood is defined at the time of dressing you can choose a style or color that fits your expectations for the day. As a man becomes more sexual, so his interest in equating stylish, exciting, even erotic underwear grows apace. If a guy feels good ‘down there’ then his whole attitude to life changes to a more confident one.

And remember – if you’re having gay sex in a gay world, then your underwear can immediately tell your partner a lot about you – and you don’t want to project an image of a conservative wife being in charge of your masculinity. Underwear helps to define a sexual man, so begin enjoying the sensual benefits and enormous variety that this industry gives us.

Thursday, 28 February 2013

The Perineum: Giving The Best Pleasure Ever!

The perineum is a fabulous erogenous area between the scrotum and the anus where nerve endings are prolific. It is greatly underrated and all too frequently not even known as a pleasure zone. Use these techniques to pleasure your partner and you’ll be amazed at the results. Instead of a surface relief he’ll find deep inner sexual satisfaction which will touch his deepest pleasure zones. And all you need is a willing tongue and an agile finger...

Using the tongue – have your partner lie on his back whilst you take control of giving him pleasure. Begin with some tongue action in the groin area between where his shaft enters his body and his leg. Men seem to be divided into love this or hate this, so take notice of his reactions. If he loves this tongue pleasuring you will send him into wild ecstasy – and you can then be sure that the following tonguing will continue and increase that ecstatic pleasure.

Move to his balls. Whilst you are down there licking them, giving the sac gentle nips and slowly rolling each testicle around in your mouth, take a moment or two to travel a little further south and find the area about half way between where you were playing and his anus. It’s generally smooth skin so your tongue can slowly caress the area. Again, a little nip can be used and lots of quick tongue darts to contrast with the smooth tonguing. Depending on your preferences you can continue further south and rim his anus and butt cheeks before undertaking a repeat journey back to his shaft. By the time your tongue returns to it’s starting point in his groin you can be sure he’ll be begging for some immediate oral relief. Just take your time with this – let him enjoy his deep pleasure and let time and continual pleasuring give him an amazing indulgent sensual experience. You’ll certainly be invited back again as your experience in giving this pleasure is all too rare.

Use finger pressure – another great joy of the perineum is to use light finger pressure to help control his ejaculation. Whilst giving him oral use the knuckle of your index finger to gently massage the area. This will give your partner intense inner feelings. When he is about to shoot his load is another good time to have finger pressure on the perineum. As he begins to shoot, increase the pressure to slow his ejaculations, then release the pressure and watch the additionally powerful spurt shoot a longer distance than normal. He’ll also feel a deeper inner satisfaction than normal. If he’s a big cummer you can use this technique a couple of times and add great pleasure to his climax.

If you follow these techniques and practise a few times, don’t be surprised that you will be labelled a great lover. So few men take the time to enhance their love making by adding these pleasures that when a man receives such attention then he is extremely grateful for the deep pleasuring that results. It’s all about you giving up your immediate pleasure to make sure that your partner has a great time. Smile inwardly knowing that through the simple use of your tongue and finger that you’ve given a much appreciated erotic gift.

And by the way, the perineum is not just an exclusively male erogenous zone – your female partners will also appreciate your attentive tongue!

Wednesday, 20 February 2013

Mature Age Men Get More Sex!

Thirty plus years ago there was a widespread adage that, for lack of proof, implied that any man who was by his nature bisexual or gay would:

- lose interest in sex from around 50 years of age onwards

- lose the ability to get an erection

- have no friends or partner

- would be lonely, ‘bitter and twisted” and,

- would die without being noticed by the community.

That’s a really hefty load of nonsense baggage for mature age men to carry with them. Unfortunately I suspect that many men over 50 do have at least a small memory of that adage that sleeps in the brain and occasionally when things don’t go so well sexually, leaps in to life with an “I told you so”.

If this has a tinge of truth to it for you, let me reassure you that it’s been my very happy pleasure to see multitudes of happy men putting this old chestnut out to pasture and telling it to f**k off from their lives.

Mature age bi-curious men and those who identify as gay are having more sex now than they’ve ever had in their earlier life. I’d like a dollar for every man who has said something along those lines to me. F**k buddies, male bathhouses and Internet dating all continue to bring men together for sex. By taking positive action to seek good sex these men are certainly not lonely, with many an initial sex encounter developing in to friendship. Using sex as the introduction card is a tried and tested formula for enlarging the contacts in your life.

If there are erection issues these can be enhanced with medication and devices. Pleasurable sex doesn’t have to necessarily include penetration, with many a man who has difficulty in having erections becoming an insatiable bottom for other men.

Mature age often means more time for foreplay – a spa, massage, kissing, showering together, rimming, licking, enjoying poppers. Share conversation and possibly include an alcoholic drink and you have a relaxed and meaningful encounter. It can also mean relaxed day meetings rather than late night ones. It means you have time to travel on vacation together and enjoy sex with one another and with additional partners you might meet up with. It means taking the chance to fly to another city and meet up with a hot Internet date. You can visit nude groups and beaches, enjoy jack-off and special interest sex groups, enjoy festivals with all their life style attractions of theatre, music and sex events. You have reached that delightful time of your life where can be yourself without any pretensions.

And by my reckoning, huge numbers of mature age, older men are having heaps more sex than most young people. Just don’t tell the young ones – and anyway, they probably wouldn’t believe you.

Above all, you’ve reached an age where you don’t have to worry about your body shape or size. You’re expected to have the body scars of a life well-lived. You’re expected to see life as pleasurable and within your reach. You’re also expected to be forthright and ask for what you want. Your wallflower years are behind you – NOW is the time for living.

When retirement from employment happens you could be very pleasantly surprised to see how enriched your life becomes. I’ve observed a strong sense of community with retirees and there is much friendship, easy and frequent sex, a caring eye kept on the health of friends and a strong sense of support.

If you carry internal messages that are not supportive of a happy, diverse and sexually active lifestyle, perhaps it’s time to bid them farewell. You deserve a sexually rich and happy retirement surrounded by like-minded men. They are out there living their lives to the max – come and join them and be free of the demons from your past.

Wednesday, 6 February 2013

Happy Endings: Massage For The Bi-Curious

It is said that everyone should have a regular massage as these can be very beneficial for health.

For married and partnered men a massage with a sexually friendly masseur (usually advertised in the classified sections of gay newspapers both in print and their on-line versions) can also be a safe, intriguing and satisfying experience. It can be a first foray into the world of man pleasure without risk, guilt or questions asked and it’s in a safe, one-to-one private environment.

By choosing a gay masseur you already know that nudity won’t offend and that you will be in experienced hands. If you are seeking first and foremost a quality massage then be aware that not all practitioners are fully qualified or skilled. Many who also offer sexual services will for a short time move some oil around on you and then as quickly as possible, get you sexually aroused and masturbate you.

It should not be seen as a foregone conclusion that just because a masseur advertises in the gay press that you can expect a “happy ending” (that is, at the conclusion of the massage he will masturbate you to climax). This is something that needs to be negotiated in advance and because of prostitution laws, this in fact may be a service that is illegal to offer. The masseur may also not want to be known as a sexual service provider and will therefore advise that “this is not a sexual service”.

For a closeted bi man a massage can offer an opportunity for:

a genuine feel-good massage

a chance to be pampered by another naked man (and most don’t mind being touched up by their client whilst the massage is underway, so a chance to actually touch another man’s body, balls and penis)

a climax through the masseur’s skills at masturbation. You can be guaranteed that a good masseur will always stimulate his client to a roaring erection at some stage during the massage. This is just a natural and normal reaction to being pleasured by his hands in your erogenous zones. However, don’t expect that he will let you jack him off unless there is a strong mutual attraction between the two of you

a chance to talk and to ask questions about gay issues both sexual and lifestyle. (Many a gay masseur could well be a counsellor if he so decided. Like hairdressers, they hear the most amazing sexual confessions from their clients, so if the chemistry is right between the two, then an enlightening conversation can happen)

a dip into the gay world without guilt about sex with another person (to my way of thinking one-sided masturbation is not regarded as sex – it’s simply an extension of the massage, a bonus extra).

After the massage he can return back into his heterosexual world thrilled that he feels so great. Not only has his body been relieved of stress and aches, his libido has been satisfyingly drained and maybe, he’s had a chance to express through conversation his inner feelings about being sexually curious about man sex.

It’s a win-win situation for both the masseur and his client. As a first foray for the sexually curious, having a massage with a gay provider may just be the ideal introduction to a happier sexual life without fear, guilt or altering his heterosexual image of himself.