Personal Safety With Your New Hook-Up

When planning a hook-up with another guy, especially on his patch of turf, how much do you consider your personal safety?  In what order would you think about the following:

Physical Safety – he’s bigger and stronger than I am. Will he physically dominate me? Force me to have anal or some other form of sex against my will?

Game Play – if I’m tied up for some mild B&D will I trust him to release me when requested?

House Arrest – can I leave the house/apartment easily or does he lock the door after we are both inside?

Drinking or Drugs – will the alcohol or unfamiliar drugs impede my perception of safety?

Suggestions For Role Play – when I’m asked to move beyond my own sexual boundaries perhaps to partially dress as a woman, be caned on the buttocks or defecate on him, can I safely refuse without reprisal?

Canine Security – once inside his house you discover a rather large dog, friendly enough to his master but somewhat suspicious of you and any unexpected moves?

Beat Bashers – I’m out cruising for men at the beach or in the woods when I come across a group of supsiciously homophobic young guys. Do I have an escape route planned?

Hijacked In His Car – he’s picked you up at the bar and is driving you to his place. You’re captive in his car going to an unknown destination when the conversation takes a turn for the worse. What can you do?

Sex In Public – he wants to have sex where there is a more than an even chance of getting caught. Do you risk it or opt out?

Quite often we’re just super-sensitive to the sexual situation and we don’t give any thought to anything other than hot physical enjoyment. In fact the possibility of a little danger can give an even greater adrenelin rush. If you play sexually with men, sooner or later you will feel uneasy about some particular aspect of an arrangement. It may all be in your own mind, possibly the clarity of your thoughts clouded by alcohol or drugs, but I suggest if there is a thought that irritates, then take a second look. Better safe than sorry. Better no sex than physical harm.

Suggestion:

(1) Always let someone else know where you will be playing. Send a text to a trusted buddy, leave a message with the address details on your own voice mail, leave the address in a sealed envelope on your desk at home or the top drawer of your office desk.

(2) Listen to your instincts and not your cock. If the situation doesn’t seem right for some inexplicable reason, bail out of the arrangement. There’s always other guys to play with on some other day where you will find the sexual tension just right for the both of you.

How To Douche For Men: A Simple Male Douching/Enema Guide For A Clean Chute

(From my book “The Versatile Husband”)

http://www.amazon.com/The-Versatile-Husband-Man-To-Man-ebook/dp/B008GMT61S

If you are going to present yourself as available for receiving anal sex then you need to prepare.

Douching is the act of inserting room temperature water into your anus and then emptying your bowel of all faeces so that the canal is clean.  After showering and soaping the outer anus this then opens up the options of penetrative anal sex and/or rimming (using his mouth and tongue to excite your anal nerve ends) without any unexpected surprises for the active partner.

There are a variety of douches available from a pharmacy / drugstore, or online.  The simplest and most convenient to use is the bulb with a short insertion nozzle. 

   ä    Insert a small amount of lubrication on the anal entrance

   ä    Into a hand basin add room temperature or lukewarm water

   ä    Squeeze syringe with the nozzle under the water to draw up the water into the bulb

   ä    Insert the nozzle into your anus and squeeze the water into the colon. (This is easiest whilst sitting on the toilet or lying on your back on a towel on the floor with your legs in the air

   ä    Clench buttocks to hold in the water.  Repeat several times until you feel that you can’t hold the water inside you much longer

   ä    Evacuate your colon. Wash and clean the nozzle.  Ideally a shower with soap and water should follow with additional soap cleansing the anal opening and just inside the colon

As the potential receiver of the rimming and/or his erect penis you are now ready for a great sexual treat. Your thoughtfulness and cleanliness will be greatly appreciated by your partner who will consequently be very enthusiastic towards giving you pleasure.

Note: An appreciative partner fully understands if you arrive at his home from a long day at work and want to spend a few minutes in the bathroom preparing. Tell him before you arrive and you’ll have no embarrassment from either party. A freshly cleaned colon tells your partner that you care and that you want to present yourself to him for not only your pleasure but for his as well. Removing any doubts about cleanliness means a hot sex session without any lingering doubts in the mind. Your sphincter will also be more relaxed and penetration with lubricant should be much easier and enjoyable for you both. 

Have fun!

Disclaimer: All advice and information given here on this blog is general in nature and non-specific to any individual, couple or group. You are encouraged to seek your own independent professional medical, psychological and counselling advice. No endorsement of unlawful actions is intended or implied  

Looking for a horny erotic read about gay sex life in Australia? 

Try my ebooks - each volume contains hot self-contained stories.

60 Guys at a Jackoff Party

Older/Younger House Party

Beach Sex on a Hot Summer Day

3somes, BDSM and Food Sex

He's out there looking for you...

A STRAIGHT MAN’S GUIDE TO SAME SEX HOOK-UPS: How And Where To Find Your Man 

When it is time to have sex with men, you need answers! Don't f**k up the potentially hottest sex time in your life by not knowing the facts. I'm the ex-married gay man who writes this blog, so I'm sharing my experiences with you in this easy-to-read ebook so that your sex with guys can be brilliant and always available. It's the best couple of dollars you'll ever invest! https://www.amazon.com/Straight-Mans-Guide-Same-Hook-Ups-ebook/dp/B00EUBGNTC

THE VERSATILE HUSBAND: Live Your Passion This is a more comprehensive version of A STRAIGHT MAN’S GUIDE TO SAME SEX HOOK-UPS and includes examining why as sexually frustrated men we feel the way we do and what can be done to improve the situation. Particularly useful for any married man who needs more detail  before deciding whether or not to sexually play with men.

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"A straightforward, practical guide for men in heterosexual relationships who'd like to explore sex with other men. Frank, honest and understanding."Kirkus Reviews

Does Kissing A Man Make Me Gay? Some Thoughts

To kiss – or not to kiss?  How much of the question is in your mind and how much is a result of genuine feelings?

In a heterosexual straight western world ‘real’ men don’t kiss – or so the social conventions would have us believe. A peck on the cheek of a child or an adult female is generally regarded as not crossing any behavioural barriers.  Male sportsmen can hug – but not kiss when reacting to a positive sporting result as kissing would be an affront to the masculine image that heterosexual society maintains.

I’m curious as to why when a husband decides it’s time to play sexually with a man, the partners decide early on about their approach to sex and who will top and/or bottom - yet they can be very indecisive about kissing.

A straight man brings with him two things to that sexual liason:

-       social conditioning baggage that says that two men being intimate, through kissing, is reprehensible and in straight society’s eyes – wrong!

-       the mindset that kissing is something that immediately puts you in to the media stereotype that says only effeminate gay men kiss. As a straight man you tell yourself that you don’t want that label (Question: Who will actually give you that label? I suspect, only yourself!)

You probably intend to kiss his nipples, wrap your whole mouth around his penis and suck him, and possibly rim his anus.

Therefore lips-to-lips seems a tame sexual activity compared to these mouth induced pleasures. Remember how enjoyable deep kissing your wife-to-be was when you were in the height of your romantic period. Deep, warm, sensual, long, passionate, delectable and with every movement it sent a message to your penis that made you even hornier. It’s the same with a man – the same sexual tension, the same sensuality and the same warmth.

All that has got in the way is your mindset – a ‘no kissing’ policy is really just your attitude to the conditioning that you think your society expects of you. And by adopting this attitude you’ll miss embracing the passion, the energy and the pleasure this intimacy can bring.

Don’t label yourself. Whatever you enjoy in the way of sexual activities is right for you. Don’t try to live what you imagine society’s ideal man to be. Be yourself – a sexual man who doesn’t carry the baggage of society’s labels like gay, bi or straight.

Whether you kiss or not, let it be a spontaneous reaction to the man you’re with.

Invitation To An Orgy

Photo Courtesy Tumblr

If we’ve been playing with a variety of men, sooner or later we can expect to get that invitation to join in with an orgy. To get such an invitation we need to have demonstrated that we are fun to be with, we’re sexually liberated, happy to share our body with a range of men, we’ll be involved rather than just be a voyeur and that we might invite another man of like-mind who would also like to join in.

All orgies are different, but generally there is a social element to begin with where the participants congregate whilst everyone is arriving. The host, whose home it is being held in, will want to set the scene for the event and will dress in just his briefs or nothing at all. Some drinks and a time for a chat allows everyone to get to know their fellow participants – and to eyeball the guys that they have taken a liking to. At a set time it’s clothes off and into the action. For small groups, bedrooms are good locations, as it means lots of action in a very compact area – on the bed, over the bed, together in the bed, men on their knees, group groping, multiple partners and lots of touch. The closeness of bodies and happening sex can be a real turn on.

But some of the best orgies I’ve attended were those held in the lounge or living space, as that gives more possibilities for larger group action. There is always pairing up, 3somes, side-by-side group action on the floor – and if a portable sling has been acquired for the event, this is sure to provide a steady stream of men wanting to be gang-banged as well as those who are more than willing to give them their fantasy.

You’ll always find poppers (amyl nitrate) and alcohol in use. Sometimes drugs of a harder nature. There will be some, if not a lot, of bareback unsafe sex. Condoms may be provided but their use is often ignored. Lubrication is generally in plentiful supply. Sex with multiple partners is expected of you, and if you are versatile, reciprocated back to multiple partners. When you give oral you won’t always know where that cock has been before you suck it so expect that some will have been inside anal passages and not washed. You’ll see cocks that will be erect for the whole party (ably assisted by a tablet before the proceedings commenced).  If it’s a mixed age event expect some attitude from those younger members who only want to play with the handsome, muscled gym-fit guys of their own age. Group sex under the shower can be a fun finale to the event. Photographs and video should not be taken unless there is prior agreement between the participants.

There are also commercially organized sex events which are like orgies, where up to a hundred or more guys attend and have sex in the same play space. With these there is more of a chance to find a man who you will feel attracted to for a one to one session, but remember this is an orgy, so spreading your talents around the room is what is expected. You can have your one to one with him another time – or later that evening.

An all-male orgy is a very sexually liberating and fun time. They’re a great opportunity to witness and participate in a wider erotic sexual context than you might normally with a one to one or even a 3some. They are not for everyone and you’ll soon discover whether the freedoms and boundaries are to your liking or not.

When you do get that first invitation you won’t think of anything else for days – your mind will go into overdrive. Expect erections, mixed thoughts about what might or might not happen, that you will live out fantasy ideas in your mind and trawl the Internet websites for orgy videos.  There is a great sense of anticipation, of being accepted because of your sexuality.

It’s a much better invitation than to almost anything else I can think of!

Disclaimer: All advice and information given here on this blog is general in nature and non-specific to any individual, couple or group. You are encouraged to seek your own independent professional medical, psychological and counselling advice. 

For more details about other man-to-man sex issues read

THE VERSATILE HUSBAND by Peter Benn

e-book and paperback at Amazon.com or

paperback only at your favourite online or local bookstore.

http://www.amazon.com/Versatile-Husband-Peter-Benn/dp/1481099671

"A straightforward, practical guide for men in heterosexual relationships who'd like to explore sex with other men.  Frank, honest and understanding."

Kirkus Reviews

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Adult Sex Cinemas: The Main Action Is Not On The Screen

A heterosexual adult sex cinema can be a great place to watch actual sex happening and to also participate.  The porn on the screen is usually straight sex but the audience can be heterosexual couples, married men on the prowl or bisexual guys looking for whatever is offering. If there is a dozen audience members at any one time, that would be about average. It’s really an indoor beat, or ‘dogging’ area.

It’s a safe location where the audience members appreciate both the voyeuristic as well as the exhibitionist aspects. There’s no privacy. It’s where a man can sit alone and watch the on-screen sex whilst masturbating. Where he can masturbate the man sitting next to him. Where mutual oral sex can be given whilst standing or sitting. Where anal sex can take place anywhere in the cinema or its adjacent rooms or corridors. Where any form of sexual play can attract an audience of patrons either as voyeurs or if you like them, as invited participants. When action is happening all the attention is on the live sex and the additional sex that often begins on the fringes. Don’t expect condoms or lubricant or a means of cleaning up to be found. Bring your own.

It's not unknown for straight male/female partners to go to these cinemas and, after a short viewing period, begin to give a show for the other patrons. It’s sexual heaven for the other attendees if they are invited to join in the straight sex. As a complete stranger has sex with the female, the original male partner is often joined by other men in oral or anal gay sex. Each partner likes to keep an eye on what sex the other is having, and those men not included in the main sexual activity will masturbate at the action taking place in front of them. The view of hot bodies, the sounds of sex, the adreneline from being in such an environment, the nudity, the massive intake of sexual stimulation all combine to make sex in an adult cinema very exciting. Group sex won't happen every time you visit, but on those occasions when it does, there is no better place to be. There will be more man-to-man action if there are no females present in the audience.

A gay adult cinema operates much the same but with only men in attendance.  There’ll be a higher incidence of one-to-one sex but really, anything goes. With trousers around the ankles, oral and anal sex are easy to initiate, and with other horny men there wanting a piece of the action, then generally some form of sex eventuates. But not always - there’s always the chance that you will be the only one there as the real action happened just before you arrived. Timing is everything, so if you are patient, generally in due course, you’ll find an accommodating man. If not, then there’s always the movie and your ever-reliable hand.

When A Sexual Date Doesn’t Go Quite To Plan

I suspect we are all the same when it comes to meeting up with another man at his place. Even though we’ve sent and received the emails, talked on the phone, double checked the meeting time, worked out the route to his place and exchanged photos, there is still that apprehension about what will he really be like, will I be safe there.

Generally I can host but every now and again I go to a new guy’s house for sex. No matter how many times I’ve done this, there is still apprehension – or is that intense excitement tinged with a bit of guilty pleasure and anticipation? Even though I’d checked and doubled checked the details, when I arrived, the house was in darkness. What now?  I’d set aside a good couple of hours, I knew from speaking with him that he was going to give me good sexual enjoyment the way I like it, I’d travelled some 30 minutes to get there. So finding a street light I used my cell phone and he answered. He had been watching television and had missed the time to turn on the welcoming light. Simple as that.

But being part way through a television program he wanted to see the remainder. So my visions of a hot date with clothes being torn off at the front door melted into a fully-clothed event of sitting up in his bed watching another 20 minutes of television. Sure I enjoyed what I saw, but I was very eager to get started on the sex the moment it finished. And of course, we had a great night of passion and hot sex which totally vindicated my expectations

Reflecting on the event, I’m pleased to see that the extra diversions of the cell call and the television viewing (both of which at the time annoyed me), were in reality terrific sexual stimulants. They delayed the beginning of the action so that I was even more eager than I expected, and by diverting my attention away from my hot fantasy scenario, the evening went in a totally new and highly exciting direction. I couldn’t – and didn’t need to control the flow of the meeting, for by going with the flow and not getting angry, the added delay gave me an even higher sexual anticipation that went way beyond my original expectations. What was going to be a horny evening in fact gave me a night to remember.

I was pleased to realise that an unexpected delay in getting off can have the most intense and pleasurable results. 

Greedy! Sex With A Man and Sex With His Wife – In The Same Day

You know the type of guy – ordinary looking, very highly sexed, early forties. He needs sex or masturbation at least daily. He has sex with guys as often as he can. He beds his wife as frequently as she will let him. He fantasizes a lot about what he loves to do with his sex partners, both male and female. And what really pisses you off is that compared to you he really does get heaps more sex than you think he should – or deserves. He gets the best of both worlds – and still wants more.  How sexually greedy can you get!

He will also tell you that his man-to-man sex life is often a percusor to having fantastic sex with his wife. During the afternoon he calls in to see his male sex buddy and he gets pleasured, enjoys the hot safe sex (often with anal toys as well as the real thing), blows his load. Then home to his wife for a leisurly dinner before he encourages her to have ‘an early night’. By mid evening he’s really turned on to the thought of having more hot sex with her (who, by the way, he genuinely adores). With his arse still twinging with memories of the afternoon sex, his cock as hard as a rock and a head swirling with a mixture of cock and pussy images, he is every bit the aggressive sexual hunter. He takes the lead in the sex, he gives his wife his full sexual attention, he makes sure she is fully pleasured without having to give much back to him, and then he shoots his load with great intensity as the physical lust joins with the fantasy images to push him over the top.

As he will tell you, sex with his wife after sex with a man earlier in the day, has an intensity and aggressiveness that is a fantastic combination. Maybe he even has a fantasy about having both his male lover and his wife in the bed together, the three of them all playing together – an even greater turn-on for him.

By being able to have sex with both men and women, especially in the one day, he’s that all too rare a male who is happily capable of straddling two sexual worlds. Play safe and it’s a great place to be.